It's only thirty-eight days away, and what a struggle it has been to get to this point. Fight after fight, almost-break-up after almost-break-up; we've left chaos in our wake. But that's what makes it all even more beautiful to me, the fact that within all the destruction we've managed to find a place which we know is our own, together. The old me would have quit, wouldn't have tried, wouldn't even have felt anything remotely as strong as I do about this. I know that this is only going on because each of us feels the need to stay with the other.

That may make this relationship sound like it's barely hanging by a thread, but honestly if it does then so be it. I think that all relationships are barely hanging by a thread. Sometimes it only takes one fuck-up to destroy the entire thing. This entire relationship has been one fuck-up after another and it's still going, so I count myself lucky. Lucky that someone loves me enough to sacrifice their time to see whether or not it's going to get better. Maybe it will, maybe it won't, but they're trying. And just for that I'm going to make sure that things DO get better and that they DO change.

I remember back to the beginnings. We sure had a lot of bad times, but I also remember that we had a lot of special times, loving times, times where I would look into his eyes and know that I didn't want to be with anyone else. I hold on to those good memories, and seek to find a way to make what I wish possible.